Ep. 104: Healing After Divorce & Rediscovering Yourself | Molly Rubesh

Healing after divorce can feel like learning how to breathe in a brand-new body.

Inside This Episode:

Some relationship breakdowns are loud. But most of them? They’re quiet. You’re not just grieving a relationship—you’re untangling routines, identity, nervous system patterns, and the story you told yourself about what your life was “supposed” to look like.

In this episode of The Lost & Found Podcast, I sat down with Molly Rubesh—a trauma-informed coach, writer, and mom—who helps women move through grief, major life transitions, and identity shifts with compassion and courage. 

Molly’s work is rooted in lived experience: divorce, rebuilding, blended-family dynamics, and the kind of healing that turns survival mode into a steady, soul-aligned life. And during our conversation, she gave language to something so many Wanderers feel but don’t know how to name: The Resentment Bank.

She describes how resentment builds the way a bank account does—one tiny deposit at a time—until it starts spilling into snarkiness, distance, and emotional shutdown. You’re not fighting about the dishwasher. You’re fighting about what the dishwasher represents in the story your brain wrote. Sometimes we create narratives—even wildly unrealistic ones—around everyday moments, and then we respond to our partner as if those stories are facts. 

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, numb, irritated, or like you don’t even want to sit near your partner, Molly says that’s a sign the resentment bank is overflowing—and it’s time for a loving conversation, not another defensive spiral. 

 

What Molly Teaches Couples (Before It Gets Bad)

One of the most important truths Molly shares is that healing after divorce is rarely a single “I’m over it” moment. It’s a process of clearing anger, resentment, and pain—so you don’t carry it into the next chapter. The most practical things Molly shares is her course: The Modern Marriage Blueprint—a self-led, six-module program designed to help couples have the conversations most people avoid until it’s too late. She walks couples through topics like:

• family-of-origin patterns (“Who are we and where did we come from?”)

• conflict

• intimacy 

• money 

• building a life together 

• and even normalizing prenuptial agreements 

Molly frames it like this: marriage is a contract—emotional, legal, logistical—and love alone isn’t a strategy. 

She also emphasizes that the course is designed to feel doable (not overwhelming), and that couples can realistically move through it quickly—like a weekend “reset.” 

 

“Blended Families Are Not Insta-Families”

If you’ve ever tried to merge two family systems, you already know: love doesn’t automatically translate into harmony.

Molly said something I want to staple to the forehead of every well-meaning adult trying to force a perfect blended-family dynamic: “Blended families are not insta families.”

Just because the adults are in love doesn’t mean:

• the kids automatically bond

• the stepparent instantly feels like “mom” or “dad”

• the grandparents fall in line

• everyone adjusts at the same pace 

And one of the biggest pressure-release valves she shared?

Giving everyone permission to love differently—without guilt, without forcing “equal” emotions, and without making kids feel like they have to choose. In other words: grace builds the bridge.

 

Healing Isn’t Just For You — It’s For Your Kids, Too

One of the most powerful parts of this episode is how clearly Molly connects healing to legacy.

She explains that the best gift you can give someone you love is a healed version of yourself—and encourages people to explore what works for them (breathwork, energetic practices, nervous system healing, therapy, etc.). She also gets real about what she’s learned since becoming a coach:

Her “drug of choice” used to be control—white-knuckling life, over-analyzing, over-pressuring, and trying to manage outcomes until she was miserable.

But on the other side of that?

More peace. More presence. More capacity to show up as a partner and a parent.

 

How to Hear Your Intuition Again (When Your Mind Won’t Shut Up)

So many of us say we want clarity… but we never give ourselves the conditions needed to find it.

Molly’s advice is simple and annoyingly effective: Get quiet.

Drive without noise. Walk without scrolling. Sit in silence long enough to feel what’s underneath the mental chatter.

She also shared a journaling prompt (inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert) that helps people access a more honest inner voice:

Start with: “Dear love… what do you want me to know?” Because sometimes your intuition isn’t a dramatic lightning bolt. Sometimes it’s a calm, clear sentence you’ve been avoiding.

 

Key Takeaways (Practical Tools You Can Try This Week)

1) Do a “Resentment Bank Audit”

Ask yourself:

• What are the tiny things I keep storing up?

• What story am I telling myself about what those moments mean?

• Have I actually said what I need—clearly and kindly?

2) Replace defensiveness with curiosity

If your partner brings something up, the goal isn’t to “win.” It’s to keep the resentment bank from gaining interest.

3) Normalize the hard conversations before you need them

Molly’s Modern Marriage Blueprint is built around having the major conversations—family patterns, conflict, intimacy, and money—on purpose, not in crisis. 

4) Give blended families time (and permission)

Remove the pressure to perform “perfect family.” Love can grow without being forced. 

 

FAQ:

What is the “resentment bank” in a relationship?
It’s the buildup of small, unresolved frustrations that pile up over time and eventually show up as distance, snarkiness, or emotional disconnection.

How do you know if resentment is harming your marriage?
If you feel constantly irritated, emotionally shut down, or you don’t even want closeness (sitting together, holding hands), Molly says it’s a warning sign that a loving conversation needs to happen. 

What helps you reconnect with intuition during a life transition?
Quiet + space. Molly recommends silence (walking, journaling, meditating) and using prompts like “Dear love, what do you want me to know?” to access deeper knowing. 

What’s one key mindset shift for blended families?
Blended families aren’t instant families—relationships take time, patience, and permission for everyone to love in their own way.

 

Connect with Molly Rubesh:

Website: https://mollyrubesh.com/

Children’s Book: https://mollyrubesh.com/book

Instagram: @molly_rubesh

Threads: @molly_rubesh

The Modern Marriage Blueprint: https://mollyrubesh.com/course-mmb

 

Connect with Amanda:

Want to share your story or question for an upcoming Wanderer Wisdom episode? Email us at hello@podcastforthelost.com or send an anonymous message at ngl.link/akpowers__.

Instagram: @podcast.for.the.lost | @amanda.k.powers

YouTube: @podcastforthelost

Substack: podcastforthelost.substack.com

 

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